I thought that elephants do it,
Like other mammals of size,
Male accepted in seasonal fit —
Courting and acquiring the prize.

I’ve seen a lot of film footage,
Of pairing when he’s in “musth”,
Story gets to mounting stage,
But never to penetrating thrust.

I chalked it off to prudishness,
Squeamish censorship in mind,
Editors’ silly priggishness
Leaving erudition blind.

But National Geographic work
— Document earns kudos —
Shows editors not playing jerk,
Not inconsiderate pseudos.

They showed closer footage,
Bull riding her from behind,
Without penetrating dockage,
I’d thought was on his mind.

From whales, said to transcend,
Then moved on land to live,
So males’ testes do not descend —
Stowed away, yet super effective.

Nutrition was bountiful on land.
Grew in prehistoric trees,
That felled, put food at hand
And added bulk to the species.

In lieu of bearing copulation strain,
Largest land mammal is sexual stray:
Seminal volumes hidden testes attain,
And release as directed spray.

Sexual anomaly, in all probability
Is due to enormous weight,
In evolution had more agility,
Buoyant in water, I speculate.

He sprays at her genital folds,
Wetting with semen quite thick,
Never his member her body holds,
He’s wielding a hose, not a prick.

Each ejaculation a pint delivers,
Eighty billion squirmers swimming
Over the day — sperm rivers —
A half trillion from him brimming.

Each aims to knock her egg up,
Ripening about six feet in her,
Strange why they get no leg up,
With dad’s endowment winner.

But each must make its own way,
Through female obstacle preserve —
To vagina, uterus, without delay,
Maintaining energy reserve.

Reduction in numbers is drastic,
But competition still accelerates,
Egg — punctured — goes inelastic,
Thus only one germ penetrates.

And twenty-two months later,
Is birthed, takes rightful place —
Joins traditional family theater,
With all inborn elephant grace.

Only one sperm in half a trillion!
How’s that for odds bucking?
Nature’s way — make ga-zillion,
But only one’ll keep on trucking.

Think of the other half-trillion guys,
Whose happy little lives were lost:
Potential elephants without franchise —
Petered out in a holocaust!

© 2007 R. Leland Waldrip