Life as we learn it is a series of cycles and programs
Life as we live it is a rythmn of harmonious contentmens
I begged for the difference between understanding and penetration
I called for the echo of teachings and infinity
To free my mind from the prison of learning and unlearning ideas
The greatest question ever posed
Who was I before I came here, why did I come here and where am I going after I leave
What are these things we call relationships, duties, and thoughts
Where did they come from before they came to me, why did they come and where will they go after they leave me

I can be attached to many people and things. 
Time couldn’t even measure the speed of this connection
I cannot unattach as easily though.
Some bring me pardon and some bring me tears
But all bring me into this burning question
Am I authentic or only what I think is my authentic self?
I’ve come to realize we are so much more than we ever could believe we are
And yet the space between nothing and something is as evading as reaching out to touch the horizon
Something needs the authentic pulse of nothing

Think of all the nothings we didn’t do and wanted to
All the nothings we wanted to say and didn’t say
All the nothings we missed
They were something…not?

Each day for me is a series of panics
I suffer from trauma to my brain
PTSD –Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
The traumatic part has never left me …yet
Suffering years in a domestic voilent relationship
I live hyper alert to the nothings of those around me
Aware of what could be, what could happen, what already was nothing that became something
And all beyond my power, all beyond my authentic self and who I believe I am

A picture of anothers tears means more to me than the words “I am crying”

Life as we learn it is a series of recoveries, and perceptions
Life as we live it is a rythmn of acceptancences 
Reality is not found in the mind, or even in the tears,
Reality is where they came from before they were here, why they are here, and where they are going after they leave
Isnt that what we all seek to share?

The real tragedy is even if we have tears or expressions of joy, what we strive to emit from our being only comes across to others as being from the other side of the horizon 
(our world within the world we live)
All to often this is what becomes the world of nothings…we all hope to one day turn into
Somethings

©colleenranney