“Poets Have Been Mysteriously Silent,

On The Subject of Cheese.”

Renowned Author & Poet,

G.K. Chesterton

The Judge For This Year’s ‘Cheese’ Competition,

Good Old Fang, an Ancient Resident of Creek Cave,

Had an Extremely Tough Time Selecting The Winners,

Since So Many AD Members Jumped In, So Very Brave

But He Has Finally Made His Final Selections,

He Would Like To Thank All Who Participated;

And Now, I Will Let Fang Himself, Take Over,

For The Moment, Many Have Eagerly Awaited.

“Thank You, My Friend, Mr. Pee Wee Caveman Ed,

Now, Let’s Put These 2007 ‘Cheese Awards’ To Bed.

The Best Social Commentary Poem Involving Cheese

Fondue You – By La Belle Rouge

“I loved you Cheese,

before you molded,

and corrupted the air around you,

with the stench of social stagnation.

Cheese, you stink,

You moldy degenerate.”

Definitely An Extremely Brave Cheese Poem Statement,

The Type of Defiant, Ginsberg Like, Underground Poem,

Envisioned By The Sponsor of This Cheese Competition.

The Best Romantic Poem Involving Cheese

Cheese – By Walt Hardester

“Dear, you know I love you back,

How about some Pepper Jack?

Khalil said life is so much better,

With just a little Wine and Cheddar.”

Although the title of this poem is pretty weak,

The very classy reference to Poet Khalil Gibran,

One of my favorites, definitely clinched this win.

The Best Gourmet Cheese Poem

Wine and Cheese – By Ann Scarborough

“A  fine Champagne to accompany the Brie,

Smoked Gouda requires a fine Riesling,

Mozzarella, Ricotta, and Parmesan need a fine Chianti,

Cabernet to suit the Camembert,

And good strong Beer for the Limburger, please!”

This Poet Definitely Knows Her Liquor and Fine Cheese,

And This Poem Suited This Judge’s Finely Honed Palate,

Extremely Well.

The Best Mouse and Cheese Poem

This was a very tough category to judge,

There were so many excellent entries.

And, The Winner Is:

Wally – By Susan de Vegter

“I saved a mouse named Wally (at WalMart),

And then he and I went home with the cheese.”

This one truly touched this sentimental old Judge,

Since I once saved a cute little mouse, myself,

Right here, in good old Creek Cave.

The Best Spun Cheese Poem

White Mold, Black Spots – Karen Palumbo

“Interesting you would want cheese in this cave,

a good friend of mine has a beauty mark of red.

There are others I know, will spin any design,

especially one with a yellow band on her head.”

This poem involving a spider and some cheese,

Was Sure To Be a Winner, with This Judge!

The Best Cheesy Short Story

A Little Jimmy in the Corner, Eatin’ Cheese

By Kimmy Van Kooten

“She shouted out, We’re up for being more civilized and all, don’t get us wrong.

Oh! That’s another thing, smelly men, like that Georg the Neanderthal Elder guy,

Eating these same smelly cheeses ( She throws her Gouda down),

Drinking this overly expensive wine (she opens a bottle of Mad Dog instead),

Wanting to mingle with bald women,

Ya know…”

Ya Know, This Judge Believes This Short Story Writer

Knows This Very Cheesy Ed Cave Clan, Extremely Well.

She Must Be Related, or Have a Hidden Spy in Their Midst.

Either Way, A Job Very Well Done.

The Most Humorous Cheese Poet

Believe It or Not, Brave Cheese Heart Writers,

We Have a Tie For This Epic Cheese Category,

Between Georg Mateos and The Redneck Sisters,

La Belle & Southern Comfort.

Georg Mateos

“The first one who brings me a cheese canapé,

I swear, will regret it for the rest of their lives!”

For a writer who claims to despise All Cheese,

This Man Pens Excellent ‘Cheesy Rant’ Poems,

Especially Against His Two Very Cheesy Brothers.

The Redneck Sisters

Their humorously ‘cheesy’ collaborations are hilarious,

Especially their poems and songs – about Georg Mateos!

This Judge especially liked their very comedic poetic song,

We Shaved Our Legs For This?!

The Best Complimentary Cheesy Poem To The Sponsor

Just Add Cheese, Please – By Rufuz, The Dog

“As of cheese, he had great expertise,

His nick name being, Pee Wee’z,

He was about as smart as in the forest, the tree’s…”

I Have To Tell Ya,

This One Really Choked Me Up.

I, Myself, Think Trees Are Very Intelligent,

And Rufuz Really Knows How To Suck Up,

For The Big Win!

And Now, A Huge Drum Roll, Please!

Our Grand Prize Winner:

The Very Best Cheesy Poem Of 2007

Gourmet Cheese Girls – By Sherry Heim

“Men are all really gross,

They are smelly old farts,

Who, to cover their scent,

Rub cheese on their ‘parts’”

Now This, Ladies & Gentlemen,

Is Classic ‘Cheese!’

­

Each Cheesy Winner Mentioned Above,

Receives A Huge Box of Assorted Cheeses,

And A Gourmet Cheese Cutting Board,

Specially Gift Wrapped, By Yours Truly.

And, Are All Of You Ready For This?

Each Winner Gets a Private, Escorted, Tour,

Of The Fabulous Secret Chamber of Cheese!

Our Grand Prize Winner, Sherry Heim,

Also Receives a Very Plush Little Spider Toy,

In My Very Regal Spider Likeness, Of Course.

(Transportation To and From Creek Cave,

To Collect Any and All Fabulous Cheesy Prizes,

Is The Sole Responsibility of Each Category Winner;

However, Deluxe Accommodations Within The Cave,

And All Cave Meals, Will Be Provided Free of Charge)

Thank You One and All, God Bless Each of You Brave Hearts,

And See You All Next Year, at the Epic ‘Cheese’ Competitions!

©2007, FANG