Someone said to me yesterday that this week makes five months since Leah went away.

Five months I thought, such a seemingly long time, but God, it still feels like yesterday.

One hundred and fifty days, Oh Lord should not my soul feel some minute relief?

Why, oh why dear God does it sometimes feel like I am trapped within my grief?

I know in my heart dear Lord that I need for my own good learn to let go.

I try, but I fail…I give it all to you, yet I still feel the sting of deaths blow.

I search for golden rays of sunshine, but this valley is so dark and cold.

I climb every mountain that you put before me thinking will see the sun.

Yet all I find dear Lord are dark gray clouds filled with falling snow.

Lord, I have grown tired of pretending to others that I see almost every day.

I am weary of this façade; this smiling rubber mask that time for me has made.

I am tired of the same old thing, and I grow weaker in my simple need.

Therefore I come to you once again…

Not knowing why you are walking me along this burdensome way.

Not knowing what you will have me learn in the shadows of quite pain.

Five months this week God…Oh Lord…it is still as clear as yesterday.

J. Allen Wilson © 2/2/2009