Ruan,
A heartbeat of faith echos your emotions.
Writing is a calming blessing.

Lady Mary Ann

vivid imagery and phrases support the theme solidly. like the last line; one is not destroyed, just broken, nothing more - they will survive. thanks

asa

Hi Ruan,
I am not quite sure what you are asking for here. The content though adequate, is an often-retold story. Which, I personally liked.

However, I feel it would have been better served in pentameter; tetrameter and trimeter tend to read quite fast.
The last stanza has lost the foregoing rhythmic pattern, by changing to headless iambic
“Breath that once expelled a laugh” A breath that once expelled a laugh.
You have breath following breath.

Having, two examples of icy in the penultimate stanza are usually frowned on by the purists.

It’s nice to see that metric poetry is still alive and well on Authorsden.

I hope to read more of you.
Best regards,

Mor.

Powerfully sad, Ruan.

A sad, mournful tone rings from this beautifully written heartfelt poem. I hope it eases the agony to write of it so eloquently.

Ron

It is difficult to write about what
is obvious quality without feeling
for what one goes through Ruan...

Quality of course is excellent
as you write quite well...
I am sure many have stood in
this situation

Love and Light
Lily

We all succumb to our truths and especially are faith.
And even though you do not wish to pick yourself up
and start over, you have to otherwise that shell will
crumble and you have nothing!

Deborah

i had hoped this would turn around for you after so much pain before, i hope the pain starts to ebb and things start to shine again soon
budd

Oh Ruan, we're both pretty much on the same page these days. I had to turn away from these kinds of poem, they were cathartic to a point, but I got away from them today, and hopefully tomorrow.

It just hurts too much, although I am positive I'll be back crying in my beer before long. Sorry for your pain and suffering, my friend.