I’m not sure now how the conversation came about
or who initiated it in the first place,
or why they would ask such a thing.
Maybe it was because the conversation wasn’t that interesting
or lacked real engagement or maybe I was just bored.
That happens more than anyone really realizes with me
And all I really remember is the reply that I gave seemed to disturb some of them.
Maybe perturbed is a better verb.
Not shockingly by any means but in a more antagonizing kind of way.
My answer, “why would I invest myself in anything or any one
not emotionally invested in me for my own benefit?”
It seems like such a wasted investment on my part,
no real return on my energy, no return on my time,
no return of any kind that I can knowingly mention here
and before I’m condemned for thinking such a thing
remember for yourself when you first invested in me and what for.
I dare say most of you, innocently enough, were simply there
for conversation, maybe even procrastination or perhaps invention,
on some level, unknown to myself or you, yet there we were.
I’m not sure now how it all started or when it came to be,
all I know is that I was there.
Everything else became a piddle in the details
and I, for lack of involvement, withdrew my attention
becoming how do you say, drab in their eyes.
Regardless of when and far be it from how now
that was the end of that.
Now here I sit reconsidering it all the same
surprisingly with the same answer.
Why would I invest myself in anything or anyone
not continually invested in me for my own benefit?