In an effort to improve
I began weighing options.
Behind me - what I’d been,
In front of me – what I wasn’t,
And all around – the stench
Of Byzantine intrigues….
.
Not knowing what to do,
I began mulling old mistakes,
Abstracted kinships, and a vast
Repository of failures adorning
My brain like wilting Sargasso
.
Not much felt right lately…
The search for wisdom,
Faux friendships,
A family torn apart,
So much mental trash,
Struggles and aspirations,
Admirers who’d become obstacles,
Misunderstandings, off-key impressions,
Being intellectual instead of honest,
The inability (at times) to be civil,
(Because brooding
Felt better)
Idiotic struggles worsened
By creative self-centeredness
Defense mechanisms worsened
By disparagers railing and gossiping,
The graveyard of all past good intentions
Made worse in the smirks of all those exalted
‘Know-it-all’s’ whispering: ‘I told you so’…
.
It was April, 2018, a
Time to honestly reassess
The marrow of my motivations,
And all the baggage I’d amassed;
Alliances without meaningfulness,
Casting good seed upon rocks,
Goals that served no purpose,
The perplexities of sharing
(And being understood),
Humanity’s vainness,
The stench of
Religious patronizing, and…
Keeping at bay the knuckleheads who
Attempt to snarf the soul of an honest man’s
Dreams (with all bizarrely implemented dramas) …
.
Standing in my own cross-hairs –
Weighing these things –
I reasoned it was far better to
Press forward forgiving and forgetting,
Than to look back questioning and brooding about
All the things that still (at times) clawed at my brain…
.
So now it begins…
.
richard lloyd cederberg
4/18

Philippians 4:13
    Poetry Life and Times