Fear grips me
As I ponder the future
And the prospect
Of opening my heart
Just one more time.
Some speak of change
As if it would come easily,
They really don't know
How many times
I've approached the cliff
And toppled over,
Landing broken upon
The jagged rocks below
Only to rise and try
Again
And again,
Until I finally
Admitted defeat
And retreated
Into my lonely existence.
Never having known
What it is like
To see my attraction
Reciprocated,
To know only
Rejection
And ridicule,
How can I bring myself
To try again?
How dare I risk
The same brutal lessons
That marked
My early years?
Why can't they see
I want to hope,
I want to believe
That out there,
Somewhere,
I will find
An exception to every rule
I've been taught,
If only I can find
The courage
To try
One more time.
I don't agree with Pat. Latching onto some external crutch like “Jesus” does not solve any problem, it just deflects it. I think the problem is one of loving yourself. Once you come to terms with yourself, you could live alone, like I did, for twenty years without having to worry about whether or not someone was with you. Believe me, if you are strong on to yourself, and yourself alone, others will come to you. But choose them carefully, because they do not all have the same motives that you have.
when i quit trying to orchestrate making decisions and plans of my own, that usually left me 'landing broken on the jagged cliffs below', i learned how to open my heart to Jesus and truly put my life's path in His hands. what peaceful rewards i've had...He's given me what i need and placed the right people i need in front of me at exactly the right time. His time...not my time. it's like being un shackled from the weight of my 'lonely existance'and free to 'try again', for the right person will be placed in front of you at the right time.
this was a moving write that many of us will relate to...i did...pmedlin
A book-length psychodynamic study of pathological narcissism, relationships
with abusive narcissists, and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, using a new vocabulary.
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Ron
this was a moving write that many of us will relate to...i did...pmedlin
budd