I thought I missed you before,
When you were here
Without being here,
When I was but a gnat
On your radar,
What I wouldn't have given
For a morsel of your love,
For an ounce of affection,
For a modicum
Of fatherly approval.
I waited in vain,
Hoping against hope
That you would look at me
With warmth and acceptance,
But after years
Of having my heart broken
Over and over again
I have finally accepted
That I will always be
As nothing to you
Unless there is some service
I can render,
Some task you would delegate
So you would not have to deal
With it,
You have no use
For the likes of me.
And therein lies the irony
For you see
My condition,
Which you disdain as weakness,
Has made me utterly dependent upon you.
I live in this house,
By your leave,
Always aware
That this is not my home
It is YOUR house
And I must follow
Your rules.
There is no freedom
And only stolen opportunities
To indulge my SELF.
I've looked for alternative
Living arrangements
But the truth is
I can't even afford
Low income housing,
So here I remain
Trying to hold on
To my feeble self respect
And a hope that tomorrow
Will be a better day.