Thank you, Jerry, once again, for letting me use this format.
the sun hides her face behind a veil of smoke as angry exposions fueled by intolerance assault her ears war rages
on earth below she feels each blow
she's tired, the sun been patient for far too long and has reached the breaking point one good solar storm would silence the hate
once and for all the great and small
would perish in a flash of red but what would that solve she would be lonely no one to kiss awake each morning or put to bed at night such lonely existance
so, what to do she has no clue
she can't leave it up to man they've mucked up everything they've tried in their attempts to govern themselves and failed, miserably
she'll sleep on it if time permits
video clips of memories stutter across the TV screen in her mind awful nightmares of what hatred man is capable of repeated over and over again
once more, awake her head, she shakes
how much more will this go on will man destroy himself before God's final judgement or will they learn before it's too late to do anything
she talks to God he gives a nod
one last message she writes on ebon paper flecked with stars with a pen inked with sadness 'if you won't change your ways and come to your senses
you'll hear God's voice you'll have no choice'
(c) 2006, Karla Dorman
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Reviews of "Septcouplet: Are You LISTENIN', People?"
Reviewed by Walker Jackson (Reader)
Reviewed on February 11, 2006
There's profoundness in this poem. It can be interpreted in so many differt ways.
I don't think God wants to talk to me, I have been bad way TOO long...and I agree wholeheartedly with everyone else's reviews, especially Sage and Jude...Ed & Rufuz
good God almighty, Karla, this is one fine poem. the strength with which it came to you is evident in the delivery. enjoying your experimentation with the form, too. Dawn
You are revelling in these recent septcouplet and senryu writes Karla, and your confidence is at an all time high, and it shows in the high calibre compositions you are churning out with ease !
More power to your storm filled pen !
I was drawn to this line " she talks to God
he gives a nod "
Karla, this is beautiful. I especially love the strong voice that is brought out by this poem, and the painful consequences. Wonderful personification here. These lines resound with me:
"one last message she writes
on ebon paper flecked with stars...
What a riveting write! I was hooked from the first word to the last and left gasping in awe. THIS is my favorite of your septcouplets so far! WOW!!! EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT poem!! You ROCK! BRAVA!!
(((HUGS))) and much love, your twink, Karen Lynn. :D *LIGHTS!* Hee! :D
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader)
Reviewed on February 8, 2006
I am awed, Karla, this mode of poetry was made for you I believe. It lets you say what you wanna say with a modicum of class, huh? Quit thanking me for using this form. Quit that.
'Better Without You'is a compelling narrative that explores the complexities of an affair, hidden secrets, and abuse. It also highlights a daughter's heartfelt journey as she cares for her mother who is battling dementia.
God Bless
Michelle!
on ebon paper flecked with stars
with a pen inked with sadness
'if you won't change
your ways and come
to your senses
you'll hear God's voice
you'll have no choice'>
How very true, Karla, truly have you studied the signs...
Safi
love Tinka
"she can't leave it up to man
they've mucked
up everything they've tried
in their attempts
to govern themselves
and failed, miserably"
Appealing to a Higher Power has its rewards. Powerful, consistent lines, Karla!
Sage
Love and hugs, Birgit and Roger
Eileen^
More power to your storm filled pen !
I was drawn to this line " she talks to God
he gives a nod "
Peter
"one last message she writes
on ebon paper flecked with stars...
you'll hear God's voice
you'll have no choice"
What a riveting write! I was hooked from the first word to the last and left gasping in awe. THIS is my favorite of your septcouplets so far! WOW!!! EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT poem!! You ROCK! BRAVA!!
(((HUGS))) and much love, your twink, Karen Lynn. :D *LIGHTS!* Hee! :D