"For of all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these: 'It might have been!' " - John Greenleaf Whittier

Do you have a sibling or family member you especially bond to? My cousin Baron was that type of person. He always has something to tell me when we talked to each other. Lately we don’t get to see each other often but growing up in Hawaii was always the best time of my life; the days were playful, often spent at the beach and just messing around. Days spent with Baron and the rest of my family were simply not long enough.
You see, he’s a police officer now and he knows so much that young men have to have older and worldlier wise men like him to counsel them. For instance: who to trust, how to care for others, and how to live life to the fullest.
I suppose he didn’t know he would need all the help he could get. Recently, Baron lost his dear wife Mary Lou. For eight years she fought against cancer, but in the end her sickness had the last word.
This poem is dedicated to Baron and his Love for his wife. I imagined we switched places and traded minds.

-------------

Today I found folded pieces of paper in a worn brown envelope
Just as I emptied my memories from familiar places in the house
I felt her smiling and corny look, and watching me
not a gaze but a loving look mind you
like the many times we spent together
laughing and crying but never complaining
my friend in life is but a dream now...
so indescribable is the feeling
an emptiness and void in me
that only staying busy can help me cope

Well look here---could this be something special? Looks like something only Mary Lou could do
Notes that could look like
a school girl's secret writings about her perfect dream guy.

All that was missing was a drawing of a heart
with the names Baron and Mary Lou written in it.

But the carefully scribbled notes were written by a woman who had four children
plucked from life
like a thief in the night death paid a visit
a brave woman who fought for her life
not counting months left to live
but making the months count until the end

I sensed my own tears as a beautiful recipe of enduring Love and Respect

spoke at me
Mary Lou's dying tribute furled in front of me

like a rock thrown into the lake, the waves rippling to the shore

I recalled the sandy beach we walked on and talked
about the future, the hope thrown against the waves

now replaced by a melancholy chime of silence

My friend for life wrote as if to say...
"…Loved me. Took care of me. Worried about me."

I always thought I had a ready answer for anything
but I never joked about her cancer
I’d come home from work to find her experiencing a depression
as most cancer patients so often get.
In the car we went to her favorite restaurant

pretending to eat and spend time together no matter how tired
Because---I loved her.
I just cannot hide something from someone who knows better

"…Helped me when I was ill,"

"…Forgave me a lot."

"…Stood by my side."

And a piece of good advice as a kind of sacred duty: "…Always praising."
"…Made sure I had everything I needed,"

More...

"…Warmth…Humor...Grace. Kindness. And Thoughtfulness."

"…Always there for me when I needed you."

The last words my Mary Lou wrote summed up all the others.

Clear as daylight, thoughtfully:
"… Best friend."

Asked by a co-worker "How do you stick together with someone through all these years -- not to mention the sickness?
How do I know if I can bear to stand by someone’s side if they become sick one day?"

"You can,"
"If you love them enough, yes, you can…"
For in giving myself to her

I received the priceless lifetime gift
Beyond love.

Copyright © 2007 Myles Saulibio