Well, Momma it’s a New Year 2021
Yet you are not here
I think of you all the time and
No matter what I tell myself I
Can’t rewind the time between us
Can’t change the decisions that were made
All I could ever do was PRAY
After all, they were not mine to make
I can’t take back my REGRET
I can’t take back the SHAME
I can’t take back the PAST
And, I can’t reverse my TEARS
I always wanted so much MORE for YOU
Losing you was the hardest day
Of my life….I knew I would fall apart
The day you died…AND, surprisingly enough
I didn’t…yet, now I am.
I stood there at your Funeral as if it was all Okay, and spoke
but, didn't say all I wanted to say...I should have spoken more
about your life, your accomplishments, all the good you did for
others, but, yet, I made it about me. I am so sorry Mom.
All the while knowing the time would come
I am Still falling apart into pieces
Like a Patsy Cline song…
I feel like I am coming undone
then, I think others see me as "crazy"
as they say, "she had a long life..."
BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You taught me so much than
You ever knew…and, it’s hard to forgive
The ones who don’t care
Or show empathy for my loss.
It’s just impossible…I know you get it.
It was hard seeing you so Blue
I just hope and pray that you
know how much I will forever Love You.
Love is Eternal and the bond between
A Mother and Daughter last forever…
I know you are my Guardian Angel and
Jack Rose’s too. I am so sorry I couldn’t
Be there MORE for you!
Grief comes in waves and it’s your
ONLY Grandson’s Birthday today…
So, here I am crying because I miss YOU
So much. Your Voice, Your Face, Your Laugh,
Your comfort, Your everything..Your BEING.
Somehow, I feel so alone in this cruel world
Now that you are gone. And I don’t want to be.
Momma, will you talk to God for me?
I need answers to my Prayers.
I don’t know how to stop missing You...
and, I know I never will. Rest In Peace Momma!
I promise I will get myself together and be everything
you wanted me to be! After all, YOU Believed in ME!
My mother died on February 17 last year. It was a blessing, she was suffering so much at 95 with several ailments. I have had a great deal of difficulty traveling the thousand miles to where she was. The last time I was there was 2011. But up until about two years ago, she would call me every Monday at 4 PM and we would talk on her TTY. I recall her giggling at everything I said like a schoolgirl she was so happy talking to me. Fortunately, my sister lived nearby and took care of her right up until the end.
Ron
Sandie