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Blogs by Blondie Clayton
Step Parenting Tips: If You're Not Ready Don't Start! 8/14/2007 12:16:39 PM
When getting involved with a mate with children, if you are not committed to the well being of the children, walk away for the children's sake I was sitting and chatting with my granddaughter Chris. As I listened, she talked about her desire to bond with her step mother, who has been in her life 12 years. She feels that she keeps pushing her away. Imagine that, at 17 she feels such things. My heart aches for her. As I think about all the other young women like her who have no one to talk to, I find comfort in knowing perhaps I have been helpful.
Family seems to be very important to Chris, even at this age. It's ironic, but I can remember how badly I wanted to be a part of a family, to feel their protection.
She went on and on about what they use to do as a family but now mom and dad work so much they don't have time.
Her step mother is married to our son. Can’t get into that. Learned that people make their choices. She choose to marry a man with two children in his care. Don’t understand what the problem is.
Just brings back bad memories of the steps that have come and gone in my life. None of them really cared about us, just our mother. If they could have gotten rid of us, they would have.
I have longed to feel the bond of my biological mother and father. At least Chris has a father who loves and adores her. That could be part of the problem. Don’t know. Wish I could protect her from this but for now I'm an ear and a word of encouragement, wisdom. I can only share the benefit of my experience in love. And hope that she will walk away with peace about it. For surely, there may not be a solution. People have to want to change.
I have had my moments where I didn’t want to be bothered with my parents. We lived with one and the other was too distant. The thread between us had been cut. I’ve tried to get back to where it all began but it’s not possible. Once the connection is severed I wonder can it ever be restored?
I once thought so.
What I have come to realize is that it’s gone. I will never feel what other daughters feel. That part of my family tie has been disconnected. Perhaps it is something that children who experience abuse have to do in order to keep from being vulnerable.
Can I live in such isolation and be okay. Instead of looking back at what I lost, looking forward at what I have gained.
Will what I have gained walk away, abandoned me? You go along in life afraid to let go, to get involved, to care too deeply because of the seeds that have been sown. That’s a lonely life too. Never trusting anyone, protecting your heart, preserving your emotions.
I take each day as it comes. There are days when I am touched by the past, that I’m thrown into a tailspin. I struggle to fight my way through the emotions but so far I’m winning.
Chris can get through this I believe. Her eyes are opening to certain truths. It’s a hard pill to swallow but only with her hope in the spirit, and that guidance, can she find the peace that I struggle to maintain.
