Sandy Knauer, click
here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.
Blogs by Sandy Knauer
War On Sex 7/19/2005 7:15:03 AM
ever seen a sexy piece of elephant?
Face it; the right wing has waged an all out war on sex. Nothing else matters. They’re obsessed, and so insanely jealous of anyone who is sexy, has sex, enjoys or talks about sex without shame or fear, that they make fools of themselves trying to eradicate sex. I wish they would come out and admit their war on sex because it might relieve them of the misery they’re spilling into the universe (which may account for some of the toxins in our air, but I’ll save that for another time).
Cleverly, they choose candidates, advisors, and spokespeople who appear to be asexual; people who are so sexually repulsive no one would entertain the possibility of their being involved in a sex scandal because it would require imagining them in that role and the thought is too much for a normal human to bear.
Imagine what your stomach would do if you had to picture Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh, Scott McClellan, Karl Rove, or any Bush in an intimate situation. There went my breakfast. Anyone wanting to lose a few pounds might take it even further, and picture combinations of the group, say Dick with Karl, Scott with George, Rush with Jenna. The extremely brave can visualize an orgy with a swing-your-partner- do-si-do where they all switch partners. Quick, pass the barf bag.
The Bushites have reached the point they openly admit they enjoy flip-flopping and duplicity. The want to reduce Rove’s crime from treason to perjury, and accuse the Democrats of playing politics. Sweet of them, now that they’ve soaked every political advantage they could out of the situation and think there’s nothing left to gain. And they will overlook the many lies Rove and Bush have crammed down their throats about the Plume outing, because it’s the sex, stupid, and face it; there was no sex involved.
Perjury only matters to them when a sexy man is involved. Lies don’t count unless you can actually dream about sex with the liar and not wake up screaming, and outing is only a sin or a crime if it involves sexual orientation. They’re more afraid of someone else having semen in the throat than they are of the lies they’re choking on, and prefer the hourly figurative screwing they receive from their asexual leaders over a literal toss in the sack with their asexual partners.
That’s fine for them, but do they really have to begrudge the rest of us a healthy relationship or a wet dream with sexy partners and leaders? Spoil sports. Many of us would need anti-depressants or, heaven forbid, illegal drugs if not for our imaginative relationships with Bill, Al, Obama, and Hillary. Leave our healthier options alone.
There’s good news for our asexual warmongering friends. We sex freaks are fully capable of doing more than one thing at a time. Don’t be fooled by the fact that Georgie boy can’t ride a bike while he plans a bombing, or eat a pretzel and watch TV without an accident. Think back to the Clinton days. Some people can engage in sex, give a speech, and keep peace all at the same time. Remember the Gore airline security proposal? Proof that sexy and intelligent can exist in the same body.
This war on sex is unnecessary, but I have faith sexy Americans can fight back if the asexuals continue to wage it. We can multi-task - fight the war on sex while we impeach, save social security, balance the budget, and fight for decent Supreme Court nominees.
