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Blogs by Vanessa Buckner
My kingdom for a pillow! and a friend 12/9/2006 1:39:16 PM
Well, I realized after not being able to do that little contest with myself - due to exhaustion - that I'm just not taking good enough care of myself. I've got to get more sleep, and more exercise. And be able to release stress better.
My brother Will visited me at work yesterday, to give me the new cell phone he had ordered online for me. We intitialized it, and chatted and he brought me some DVDs, then he left to go visit my Mom.
I was in a really good mood after that. I had also texted another of my brothers, Frank, earlier, and he had written back. Between the two of them, and with Dave calling me, I felt pretty good. I realized that I need those connections, too. And that it had been a while since I had seen my friend Megan or talked to my friend Melissa. And others. I looked forward to calling them.
BUT ...that night (last night), I was in a bad mood with Dave. I couldn't figure out why at first. I realized later on that it was partly irritability due to an impossible situation at work, but it was also due to my physical condition. I lack sleep and have been doing too much driving - commuting! - and feel like I'm never home. And of course, there's having fallen off of the fitness wagon. (Wait, isn't it the holidays? Oh, I guess it doesn't matter ...)
So I see that I need to rearrange my priorities a little, or at start with changing how I spend my time.
I did go to the gym last night (which I hadn't in a couple of weeks, which is a shame, because I had been doing so well), but I didn't get much sleep. And I had to work this morning. But I will get a good night's sleep tonight, then start figuring out how I can reduce my stress and give my body more attention, as well as connect more with my family and friends.
I guess I always thought that when I cleaned up my act and got my life arranged and tidy, that doing what I love (like writing) and achieving my goals (like getting fit) would follow. But now that I've jumped feet first into the writing instead, I find that I still need to get other aspects of my life in order. Is that backwards, or did I just misunderstand how things work, or what?
Then again, finding Dave helped spur me to write despite my apprehensions. Then needing energy to write helped me to realize I need to reconnect with loved ones and focus on my health. So perhaps there is still some cause and effect at play.
Perhaps taking this next step will lead me on to something else, like being able to achieve my fitness goals. It's pretty interesting to discover this stuff. And people can tell you things or give you advice till they're blue in the face, but sometimes, you just have to try something (sometimes, try anything!) yourself, in your own way. Which is what I'm doing. Which seems to be working so far.
