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Blogs by Erik Hare

Soul Mate
8/22/2008 6:28:00 AM

NOTE: This will probably be my last full post here at authorsden.com. I am building a new home, "Barataria", at this address:

http://erikhare.wordpress.com/

Thanks for being a reader, and welcome to the new site!

Two souls, born together in the spirit world, are cast into different bodies far apart when they are born into the temporal realm. They remain connected, driven to find each other in a nearly desperate search for happiness in this vale of suffering and tears.

This concept dates back at least as far as the early Romantic Era, and may have a root in “Courtly Love”, the sexless deep friendship that was fashionable in the Middle Ages. The assumption is that life itself is bitter and hard, but there is someone out there who understands your suffering and thus can make it better just by being with you.

The modern idea isn’t as sexless. Most people use this term to describe their ideal partner in life, the one person who wordlessly knows just what they mean and has exactly the same values in life. The spiritual element is often smaller or missing, replaced with a hint of pop psychology ripped from Jung. A “soul mate” is a partner for life in all aspects of life.

Anyone who has lived for 42 years probably doesn’t believe in this concept any longer. Speaking entirely for myself, I’ve had a number of women that I’ve loved who moved on for any number of reasons – college, career, or they just got sick of my shit. I do not believe that anyone ever “falls” back out of love, and I still love every woman I once had something with. Given this, how could I find a “soul mate” with love already given to other women? It seems that a “soul mate” is an all-or-nothing proposition.

You can tell this is a squishy concept at best when you realize that there is no proper antonym; do I have a “body mate”? It also assumes that you believe in a thing called a soul, which is a very Christian idea sneaking off into our increasingly secular world.

For all these issues, there are a large number of people, mostly women, who do think that there is that one perfect “soul mate” out there for them. Very few people are crass enough to write an essay like this telling them the idea just doesn’t work, so it continues through our culture. Since we aren’t a romantic people in any sense of the word, the original idea has been twisted a bit to mean little more than the person you understand so well it gets a bit scary at times. But the idea that you need to find this person to be your partner in life remains strong. It appears to be assumed that your “soul mate” will see things the way you do, too.

The reason this idea is important is that this is a commonly accepted idea that not a lot of people believe in anymore. It’s useful in literature because someone seeking a “soul mate” has a strong package of images and biases that come along in the reader’s head. It’s a kind of cliché, but it’s one that you can play with. It’s rich and satisfying, not simple and trite. You can get a lot behind the reader’s eyes quickly, assuming you don’t mind their own particular color for it.

I’m thinking of using this with a character I have. This isn’t a character who is central to the story, but on the near periphery. She’s needed because the main character has to make a choice before he zooms off into the abyss, and that’s it. But I still have to give her a personality, and right now she’s occupying my novel like a woman who’s stayed the night and now just won’t freakin’ leave.

Did I mention I don’t believe in “soul mates”? Good.

A book that comments on society and values can harvest dramatic tension from the tension that is inherent in the world. Since we live in a changing world with a big ball of neuroses trying to reach out and grab us, there are many good examples such as the idea of a “soul mate”.

I’m not saying that I have a problem with people who believe in the idea, it’s just that it doesn’t work for me and it doesn’t work for a large number of people who’ve been around a bit. That’s good tension right there. I can use it. I think I will.

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More Blogs by Erik Hare
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