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Blogs by A. Sperry
Rida 9/17/2004 9:58:51 AM
I'm finding it hard to see the depth in people these days. They all seem flat and disinterested. This two-dimensional view of the world is slightly unhinging me, I think.
Five days. Five days and it will have been a year since you've died. I spend every day for the past month wondering what you were doing this day a year ago. Did you know this was your last week to live? Did you laugh on this day? Cry? Or were you already dead. I miss you so much.
You were the lonely one.
There is a place beneath my ribs that has slowly grown into a hardened knot of decay. It clangs within my chest as I walk, the sound slightly wooden, much like an acorn rattling in a glass jar. People stare at me in disgust and I look to the ground in shame. This is my heart and they all know I've abandoned it.
There are days that I think I feel ghost pains. A slight trembling of my fingertips each morning when I hear his voice just before I am verbally compelled to leave my name and number so that he can get back to me. Sometimes his way... just his way... can make my stomach burn and my muscles jump, my brow furrow, and my throat close up. Of course I'm the only one alive who understands that love can just be a bit uncomfortable like that. I sense this uncertainty in my stomach even now. This ball of anticipation and paused emotion that feels strangely like not eating for weeks.
