The Plunge of Cold Steel
by Erin Elizabeth Kelly-Moen — Read all 1,670 poems by Erin Elizabeth Kelly-Moen
I'm afraid.
It's been so long, since I've seen him.
Will he be angry with me?
Will I be scolded, for being
less than bold,
for time's yellowing face?
I want to run and hide,
I'm scared of the pain,
inflicted when we meet,
and I have been lax.
I become tense, and
my muscles become rigid,
remembering past pain,
sharply inflicted.
First-visit memory from my childhood,
the plunge of cold steel,
the unbelieving shock,
the numbness, then, oh god,
I remember so clearly...
the grasping and twisting,
the wrenching pain, the blood,
not once but twice, side by side,
sent walking home with the gag
in my mouth...crying.
The long years of fright and denial,
never calling to visit,
until I aged and decayed.
Saddened by my loss of self-esteem,
still I cringe, I procrastinate,
only calling him when fresh pain
overwhelms, or duty guides my hand,
I have kids now.
It's been a year, I finally picked up the phone
and reluctantly set up a meeting,
thanking god it would be a week away.
But I woke today knowing the fleeing was over.
I will feel ashamed of myself, when we meet.
I can see the disapproval as he shakes his head
after examining me and finding
the same conditions as our last
horrifying encounter, when I was stabbed
twelve times, flayed and scraped,
sores developed, pain throbbed and
I couldn't speak for days.
I will go to my fate
hoping it won't be too bad
and, as I am tilted back, pushing away
from sharpened tools and
masked face looming,
bright light in my eyes,
the shrill sound of screeching
filling my ears,
my dentist fixes my teeth.
Erin Moen
8/8/02
Wednesday, October 30, 2002
I so didn't want to go back after my last visit to my dentist,I had gotten a procedure done called planing and scaling that I would not wish on my worst enemy, if I had any! He is actually a very nice man, it's just the tools of his trade I abhor!
*Plus I was trying to be careful and not give this away too soon, I wrote it the morning of the appt., printed it off, and gave it to him! I think he was a little taken aback...
;)
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i hate the dentist.
and i know i sound like a broken record
but i love the way you write