All my own

I have emptied my pockets of every excuse,

Tipped out the coins of blame and use,

Held them to light until I could face,

The uneven shapes I’d tried to erase.

I opened the closets I’d nailed shut tight,

Faced every shadow that covered my sight,

They tore and twisted, but couldn't stay,

Once I had called each one by its way.

I pressed my palms to the wall of regret,

And felt how it softened where tears had set,

The bricks started crumbling onto my skin,

Making a doorway so I could step in.

I examined the edges of my own trust,

Testing each fence for rot or rust,

Then broke the gates that kept me contained,

To stand in a field where nothing was chained.

I learned the weight of a word unsaid,

How silence can guard or leave you misled,

So I let my voice grow roots in the ground,

Until the wind too, was humming the sound.

I’ve faced the worst I’ve done and been,

Let every shadow pull me in,

I’ve stood where shame could barely speak,

I faltered yes, but turned no cheek.

I’ve named myself in every light,

The ugly parts, the ones held tight,

No story left for me to spin, 

I’ve judged, forgiven, all within.

So come with lies, or try to pry,

There’s nothing here you can supply,

I’ve walked the fire, called it home,

And what I am is all my own.

Cathrine Hottran 2025