based on some feed back that i recieved from another site i rewrote this one. the revisions are fairly subtle
comments please
around me the world
prepares for sleeping
beneath the snow.
osprey and goose,
the winged ones,
have flown
looking
for open water
in the sun.
bears, rabbits
have denned up.
squirrels,
fat and sleek
lounge upon
their hoarded wealth.
i wander the woods:
hearing the leaves crunch
beneath my feet;
admiring the colour,
the glorious colours
of dying leaves;
smelling the healthy decay
of leaves
returning to dust.
i squirrel away
these things
in memory
hoarded wealth
against the time
i make my bed
beneath the loam
and
under the snow
sleep.
This is an highly skilled write, very well crafted, and a joy to read aloud. Wonderful line breaks, lovely word play, and crisp imagery. It's a winner. ~~Nordette
Well done, John, a beauty! Like the way you open this poem with the animals "preparing for sleeping" and close it with " making my bed beneath the loam". You obviously have a strong connection with nature. The language-ie "i squirrel away these things in memory"-is further proof of that love. You personify nature while giving the impression that you are not an observer there in the woods, you are another of God's creatures. We share a love for the woods and Autumn, so you know I love this...
TRUE STORY. Bella survived an abusive powerbroker father with organized crime ties, a drug-addicted mother and a physically/sexually abusive brother. Shocking & inspirational. When she couldn't cry, she tattooed a crying angel to cry for her.
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Exquisite! Tenderly penned, I agree, DEFINATELY a winner. :) BRAVO!
(((HUGS))) and love, Karla. :)
Reindeer
Love Tinka
Paul;-]
William
-Carrie