Man, when I first started thinking about marriage,
my mind wanted to leave home,
"no way man, I'm getting the hell out of your head."
It took me years to even consider such a feat,
finally one day I was swept off my feet.

I haven't been back on them yet,
I mean, I'm walking around,
but it seems like I'm missing the ground.
One day my feet started running,
I asked, "where the hell you think you're going."
Feet responded, "I don't know but we're getting out of here."
I said, "so you just going to up and run, just like that?"
Feet went, "I'm tired of that crazy woman stomping us."

So now I wear steel toes in my shoes.

One night my mother-in-law came over for a visit.
We were all sitting at the dinner table.
Everyone was eating and talking except me.
All I know is, my body was sitting there but my brain had jumped ship.
Flying around somewhere in the Cosmos or something.
Last thing I heard before it left was my wife saying,
"honey you're not eating."
Next thing I know after that, I was laying in the bed mumbling.
The doctor flashing a light in my eyes.

All of sudden my brain came back from the Cosmos,
popped in my head, then I jumped and screamed,
"is she gone yet?"

That's not the worst of it. My wifes whole family use to come for thanksgiving dinner. The only thing about the turkey was,
I was it. They came to roast me.

All of a sudden my cell phone rang. My wife goes,
"I thought you went to the bath room?"
I responded, "I did, by the way my mother said tell you hello."
My wife goes, "your mother, she lives 600 miles away from here! Anyway, everyones gone home now."

My brain clapped my hands and my feet did a dance.

Next thing I know I was digging my foot out of my behind.

Then my gas pedal foot refused to coorperate.

Even worse, my brain forgot the way back home.

Life!