I dragged my teen years rebellious and blighted
into Teen Repair at Macy's deparment store saying to the clerk I found there,

"Here is where he first forked from rectitude and proceeded to learn credit card sin; from where he drove down the straight path to hell,
 purchasing foreign goods, speakers stereos, computers, and cell phones, joined internet social sites. unlearned social skills and pasted over his acne, neglected his body, learned nasty one-liners, and worse of all became smarter than me, and deep in debt at 18."

"I am bringing him back," I told her--my eyes grown-up stern.

"You cannot return him," the clerk said, herself, barely out of her teens,
 "you have an out of date warranty, cellphones indeed." she smirked
"there were no cell phones when you were a teen, probably there were
 still dinosaurs and creepy things, some of which obviously sucked out all your brains. You should be proud of your younger years, this teen may constitute your best years and obviously had your best brain."

"I want to return him," I said firmly. I have my rights." I persisted. 
He to me now is an embarrassment, unruly and we both agree, he was born into the wrong family."

"You can say that again, Teen said, "I am by far better looking than either you or mom. You both got old and crotchety, less fun than a crippled scorpion. And besides my girl friends hate you both, and you both eat too much."

This last was hurtful but, I had heard worse. So I said " I take half off the purchase price if you take him back right now, no questions asked."

So then he said" Can I get a deal on parents? I will take 2/3 thirds off too.

The clerk looked at him and said to me, "he's sort of cute, how about 2/3 off, match his price and I will see what I can do."

She pirouetted and left to consult with her Guru Supervisor, leaving the both of us standing side by side, as in a military rank, not a breath emitted from either of us, as if anticipating an on-coming firing squad, neither wanting to show hesitancy.

Finally, he spoke: "You wouldn't really return me in," he said "If you do I will never speak to you again."

I hesitated thinking hard " I don't know, I don't know, I just don't know."

"Don't know," he said mockingly "I gave you some of your best years, happy ones too. Remember Angelina? Ever hear from her?"

"Nope I said" never have."

"Well she was sweet. and I got her for you. Who better than she?
It was not all bad."

"You smoked dope in your room after your mother and I were asleep.
You wrecked the car with those crazy friends.
 You lost your license for a year."

I was warming up in my litany.

But suddenly, Teen Queen returned, her eyes ablaze with news, but I couldn't tell from her expression whether the news was good, bad or neutral.
 

To Be Continued.