Fade

So, life hurts.
I know it.
If there is supposed to be
Some redeeming value in passing
This endurance test it escapes me.
I see the smiles well-meaning friends put on
To cheer me along this journey,
But it is the wet paint that tells the story.
Now I have a trick.
It is mine all mine
And I don’t know anybody else
Who can do this.
If people knew, I’d be the envy of most…
I can fade.
The dreams I’ve had, but people don’t want to see me,
Won’t stay…
Well now I know what I can do…
Fade.
It is like a religious ritual
Every morning looking at my digital scale
And seeing the numbers drop.
Envy me world, with your billion dollar
Diet fads.
Eating is a hobby I can quit.
Nobody knows, nobody sees,
Bulky clothes and loose jackets
Hide this so well.
I even look cool.
I show up for breakfast with everybody else.
I’m eating. Just don’t notice how much…
How little.
It isn’t necessary.
I’ve felt it go too far,
But then I reach another lower plateau.
Now I can drop from this one.
Nobody knows.
I mostly work alone…
And the clothes…
My lover would notice-
But she might change this habit.
If not…
Cya.

John H. Bidwell