And it isn’t even Halloween, Yet

“I think that I shall never see

A Poem lovely as a tree.

Poems are made by fools like me,

But only God – can make a tree.”

                                    Joyce Kilmer

We’ve had a lovely crab apple tree for many years now,

It’s been lovingly nurtured by me, not by my spouse.

But she came home in a god-awful mood last night

Screaming, “That damn tree is eating our house!”

It seems that she had a very difficult time

Getting inside through our limb-lined back door.

“You must do something about that damn tree!”

“But honey, like you, that lovely tree, I do adore!

“I’ve watched it grow from a tiny seedling,

I’ve nurtured it through many a season.

How can you be so cruel and uncaring,

Can you give me one very good reason?”

“Well, for one thing, Mr. Uncivilized Bushman,

Its limbs are beginning to block all the doors.

And for another thing, Mr. Don’t Read the Mail,

I don’t want to get those nasty letters anymore.”

“You mean those notices from the Home Owner’s Association,

The ones demanding that we prune this old tree?

Don’t worry and fret about those anymore, Sweetie,

The tree just covered over our mailbox – for free.

“And, besides, our pets really love this old tree,

They delight in our games of Hide and Seek.

Let’s step out back for a second, Honey,

“So you can take a teensy weensy peek!”

“I don’t need to go outside to take a quick peek,

I already know very well what’s lurking out there.

Every single wild creature within twenty miles,

Now sleeps under that damn tree, OUT THERE!”

“Well, isn’t that a very good reason

To never ever prune this elegant old tree?

We surely don’t want to make our neighbors

Homeless or hungry!”

“I think you’re getting just a tad carried away

With this wild George of the Jungle attitude.

So by the time I get home tomorrow night,

I want that old tree trimmed and pruned.”

Well, my dreaded deadline has now passed,

And I have simply refused to trim this tree.

But the devilish little kid in me has returned,

And my heart and soul now fill with glee.

During the daylight hours while my wife was at work

A massive tree limb finally blocked our garage door.

I really can’t wait to see my spouse’s face,

When she can’t drive into our garage any more.

But I am not a man without any compassion,

I lovingly left her a note on a nearby lamppost;

“Sweetie, please climb in through the den window,

It should only take about five minutes at the most.”

And very luckily for both me and my two dogs

We’ve found an escape hatch through our crawl space,

Because I believe that when my spouse gets home tonight,

There won’t be a single trace of a smile on her lovely face.

But I also hope the dogs and I don’t trigger the security alarm

That’s recently been installed in our dark damp crawl space,

Since the cantankerous old skunk who lives down there now

Really hates it when anyone messes up his comfy new place.

Malus is the botanical name for Crab Apple Trees. They are easy to grow and hardy. There are varieties that are able to withstand the cold as far north as southern Canada, and many varieties of Crab Apples have been bred that have different colors of blossoms ranging from white through shades of pink to shades of rose and crimson.  In the spring, these trees are blanketed with clusters of lovely fragrant flowers, 1 to 2 inches in diameter.

Mine produces flowers that are whitish-pink – simply beautiful.

Most Crab Apple Trees also produce numerous clusters of 1/4- to 2-inch fruits that may be varying shades of green, yellow, or red.

These fruits can be left for the birds and other wild creatures to dine on, and can also be used to make delicious jams and jelly, and a most potent crab apple wine.

My beloved tree has given me many cheap Christmas presents; and it attracts numerous critters and insects that I love to observe and study.

It takes care of me; so I take care of it.

Crab Apple Trees on average attain a height ranging from 15 to 25 feet with an equal spread.  I truly believe mine has already become a world record at about 30 feet high and wide.

And please don’t worry about Rebecca.  I’ve already hammered out a larger window in the den.  And, I’ve gallantly placed a step stool below it, which should make it much easier for her to get in and out of the house.

And who knows?  I may even build her some real stairs under that window one of these days.

As for me and the two mutts?  We’ve decided to keep wiggling in and out of the crawl space.

It’s Tons more Fun!