The Wuss of Walmart Land

Oh, such a wuss am I, such a limp and tired old man.

That little ole I could not even handle the task at hand.

For the sky was clear and on this eventful day, the weather was warm

And my darling Leah had a desire for something at the Walmart Store.

So off we go in our Big Red Van

Traversing the roads in search of Walmart land.

And lo and behold on a hill top high

Stood the Blue and White letters of the Walmart sign.

Right turn; left turn; twist and weave,

Watch that old lady!

I'm already wanting to leave.

At last! Long gasp! We find a place to park our van

Thus beginning the creation of the Wuss of Walmart Land.

For little did I know on this fateful day

That a seventeen year old girl would show me the way.

Therefore convincing my innerself and me

That I am truly a wuss and have lost

All traces of my Herculean Might.  (at least perceived)…

Aye, but that was merely the horrifying end,

For there was more while in the store

Over by the prefabricated furniture bin.

For you see, my darling Leah wanted to buy

A large storage cabinet in which things she could hide.

So through the aisles dodging little kids and toys,

We found her cabinet on the lower shelf.

Six foot by four measured this hunk of prefab wood,

And move it I tried, but it just would not budge.

So there I am with my butt hung low

Pulling and grunting, giving it the old heave ho.

And then to my shock and surprise,

Came a middle age woman with catty eyes.

Now on one end of this box does she lay hold

And pulls with all of her might so brave and bold.

Now out comes this box as pretty as you please

And with a slight shuffle of her feet,

She helps me guide to my buggy with ease.

Now I must admit, I was a bit taken aback

For here was this woman, taking up my slack.

With my back a little sore and my pride slightly wore,

We make our way, to the checkout to pay.

We went straight to lane number two

Where stood a seventeen year old girl

With a slight build and a head full of curl.

Now I had learned my lesson from just a few minutes past

So after I paid, I politely asked.

Could you please page someone to help me load this in my van

I just need a little help…sure could use a hand.

What she said next almost knocked me off my feet,

She said that help was only a minute away

As she locked her register and ask that, I point the way.

So out the door and across the big lot we go,

Leah and me, and the check out girl in tow.

When at last we did reach our van,

I asked this girl…shouldn't we get  another man?

No was her reply, for I am a manly type girl,

I am not afraid to give anything a whirl.

So there stand I in Walmart land

Already feeling a little less of a man.

And with a big heave and ho,

Me and the girl, lifted the box from the cart below.

Push and shove, we both did do, until we almost had it in

And then…to my dismay, her hand slipped from the box

And knocked my square on the chin.

Did it hurt some might say…

Not as much as my ego

When I realized what a wuss I was today.

J. Allen Wilson © 2005