The Silent Madness (poem) by J. Allen Wilson on AuthorsDen

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The Silent Madness

by J. Allen Wilson — Read all 1,629 poems by J. Allen Wilson

I used to think I knew what it was to come home to an empty house after Leah passed away and entered into the presence of Jesus. I used to think that this house of memories was silent testimonies to what once was, and that I alone lived in the dark memories of those last few hours from which she drew earthly breath.

Yet, I still had China who would greet me each night with tail straight up and with hugs upon my return from work; he who would sit in my lap and sleep�purr, and do things that kept me amused for hours, and somehow the aloneness though painful was relieved to a small degree by his unconditional love�. Yet he like I was grieving and he at last grieved in his beautiful heart that he too found death.

For the last two nights I have returned home from work to taste the true essence of the damning aloneness. While at work, my thoughts ran along the lines of�I have nothing to go home for�nothing but the emptiness, and the reoccurring reminders of death. No Leah�No China to share with me the little smiles that would sneak in on occasion�

If it were not for my dear friend Jan, who drove 50 miles in tropical storm force winds and rain that night to be here to assist me with the clean-up and burial of my China, I don�t know what would have happened�and I�well I am here in the true silence of the day. Clich�s spoken, though well intended have grown like stones upon my heart, and carry with them an empty silence of their own. I find myself growing hard; I see my soul growing cold�cold like the darkness that in silence consumes.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Silent Madness

True and tender hearts almost never survive.

Too much are their feelings for all things in life.

They see beyond the material aspects of living.

They search; they long, and are only happy when giving.

Life born on seeds of hope, grow now bitter weeds of despair.

To seek; to hope; to dream, only to find out that very few even care.

Silent, un-moving spirits chase away the peace that once lived here.

Now…it’s just the silence; the emptiness; the alone, and isolated fear.

Intellectually; mentally, I know what is to be done.

Yet to line up the mind with the heart has kept me from being one.

The singular madness of this past year has now given birth to a dual sadness.

The silence steals away my peace, somehow…I must close the doors of the past…

Or give in to the silent madness.

J. Allen Wilson © 11/13/2009

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Reviewed by Susan de Vegter

Reviewed on November 14, 2009

The lonliness and questions that death leaves behind makesuis gun shy and is very hard to condition. I still have problems and am the first to admit that it is my own selfishness to bring back those I love, knowing their pain would make it unbareable for them. I collect myself then and find myself just as lost but trying....trying.
My heart and prayers are with you.
Blessings and love,
Susan

Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado

Reviewed on November 13, 2009

Allen~

Please lean on the Lord; call on Him. He will never leave or forsake you. EVER. My heart aches for you; you are ever in my prayers! Know I love you so much! Shattering write!! I am so sorry for your loss!

((((HUGS)))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :( *tears!*

Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

Reviewed on November 13, 2009

(((Allen))),

You are stronger than you give yourself credit for: no. our Lord is stronger than any fear or loneliness. You? Bitter? I can't see that, not in your gentle voice, or unconditional love. I wish there were something I could do - my heart breaks for you. :(

(((HUGS))) love and continued prayer, Karla.

And thank God for your friend, Jan -

Reviewed by Mary Lacey Desertrat

Reviewed on November 12, 2009

J.Allen

My heart goes out to you...to lose your love and a beloved pet at almost the same time must be unbearable. You must get on with your life of course, but you'll also have fond memories.

Mary

Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan

Reviewed on November 12, 2009

don't give in to bitterness, you are too good of a soul for that--i hate the cliches as well--they are withut spirit but they are well intended--know that many feel and empathise-i wish you peace

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