Mental Illness (Venting)

Our minds can be a maze some times

The corners/turns so dark

A cloud of depression hangs overhead

And anxiety constantly surrounds

We try to take shelter

But ne’er a shade tree to be found

We close our eyes and wonder…

What comes next for me now?

As Christians we ponder…

Why would the Lord place this on me?

Then our best friend finds out they have cancer

And another dies suddenly

We feel guilty in that moment

And we question God again

Take a walk to the bathroom and look in the mirror

We can see our sadness staring back at us

Seeing the dark circles

Seeing what we are not

But despite our inward struggles

Despite our outward looks

We matter as a people

For we are all the Kings kid

And to say this I do mean it

But cannot mean it just the same

For I constantly think of my errors

And I feel the shame

The way I stutter when upset

How emotional I am

My sensitive demeanor

My constant inner torment

The torment which is driving me insane

I can minister to others

I can comfort them at best

But I cannot seem to save myself

I believe this is a test

And if it is I am failing

Though I really do try

We as sufferers should never give up

But I have so many times

To be told I will go to Hell because of my mental issues

Because I am so f***ed up

I know this is not the truth

But it punches you in the gut

And that I belong back in the “nut house”

Well how would you cope?

Satan is really attacking me

And at that, working through a giant joke!

What monster laughs when a child falls on the ice?

And for his wife to laugh at a child’s misfortune

Come on people get with it!

These people are not just people

They are Satan followers in the flesh

And anyone for that matter who picks on children or the elderly

Or someone who makes fun or those on Welfare

It is all so insane to me

And I know I make everything personal

But that is just who I am

Sharing my struggles

Because I refuse to pretend

And NO I cannot snap out of this

NO I cannot just wake up

I cannot snap my fingers and watch my illness vanish

It simply does not work that way

Perhaps there will some day be a breakthrough in medicine

Perhaps some day the cloud will be lifted

But until that day…

We will continue to fight

We will continue to bleed for our misfortunes

We will continue to be at war

It is a battle worth fighting

As long as you keep your eyes focused on the Lord

By, Tiffany Simar

2/8/17