Frustration

I am afraid that you are calling out to me again

My old friend

My private Hell

In a cell

For I have sinned

I thought that I had found a new sister

That I could bless and help someone in need

But she spit right in my face

And so many others she has deceived

And while I will admit that I never have nor will I ever be perfect

I do not appreciate being made out to be a monster again!

I am fighting the good fight daily

Fighting to stay alive and to stay away from the place that held me captive back in two-thousand and fifteen

But that is what you want…

Isn’t it?

For me to fall apart again and disappear

It is not even something that you are aware of

But your goony friends know more than they should

Because Satan has a whisper that is eager to spread from ear to ear

No one can be trusted in this shattered realm that has been considered as home

You knew that I had just lost a loved one

You knew that I was hurting

But you just had to push me

You just had to say things and push things and I finally had enough and snapped

If I am a Bitch for standing up for myself

Than a Bitch I shall be!

But do not say that you cannot stand me

Because I was perfectly fine when I was falling at your feet

And this is why I find it hard to trust

This is why, at times, I turn a cold shoulder to those so close to me

Because I am afraid of closeness

I have been stabbed in the back so many times that I do not know how I manage to stand up straight

But for every stab I have endured, welcomed, and dreaded; I have rose again to victory over the one and only who longs for me to be subdued

And here I am fighting again

Trying to find my way back from Hell…

There have been so many losses

So much bad news

So many chains that have been broken by distrust or pure hatred

Friends who were fake

Family who turned out to be frauds

Loved ones who were called Home so soon

And as I age…

It all becomes more of a struggle

Scratching and clawing to get back on my feet

Through the denial, the deceit, the forbidden freedom on the other side of the dice

I am alive

But I am dead and hallow inside

I do not want your pity

I am not vying for your bread crumbs

I am not alone in this darkness

I just need to strive to get closer to the light

Who hears me?

Who feels this?

Who longs for their freedom?

Let us unite and rise above all of the hate

All of the lies

All of the drama

Let us be who we are and prove that it is okay to be different

Speak now

Or forever linger in silence and misfortune

The choice is yours…

By, Tiffany Simar

2/13/19