I wonder how I made it sane this far,

with a small shine like a semi-luminous star

Born in this world with suffering and pain,

shackled by life’s circumstantial chains

Raised in a family at odds with each-other,

only kept in one piece by my great-grandmother

She kept me safe in my innocent days,

then left me alone when she passed away

Struggling with life, feelings of being alone,

never knowing a permanently stable home

A mother on drugs, siblings to bother,

a single parent home without a father

Making goals of achievements success inhaled,

only to find mostly that I failed

Family Love was a question, mostly to doubt,

9^th grade I was suppose to drop out

Yet I kept on fighting, emotionally enslaved,

graduated when I was in 11^th grade

Connected to my roots, searched for more truth,

accepted my heritage as a ethnic Hebrew

Rejected by best friends, a broken down heart,

now in a world by myself to start

Fending for myself, going through hell,

as family and foe expected me to fail

Started many projects with all hopes of winning,

only to see that they never got finished.

Went into ministry, to preach the Word,

yet only by a brick wall was those words ever heard

Had many women, single and all,

only to find they’d help me further fall

Decided to marry and change my world,

but ended up marrying the wrong Hebrew girl

Lost my children, integrity and life

to woman who ran off to become some else’s wife

all depressed, it stung me deep,

so bad that I wished I wouldn’t wake up from my sleep

worked to be faithful, hold up my chin,

yet betrayed by  another woman who slept with other men

caught in a scandal, to last for awhile,

paternity the issue, whose that fathers child?

Raised him not knowing for years to come,

until it was proven that he’s actually my son

ordained a rabbi, commissioned a priest,

in my own community regarded as least

debates and fights with those unlearned,

images tarnished stomachs being turned

in public I am smiling like nothings wrong,

but in secret I cry when I am all alone

everyone coming to tell me their woes,

but what I feel nobody knows

experiencing crisis, a serious dilemma,

my dreams derailed from sickle thalessemia

taking pain pills to get away from the hurt,

addicted to morphin my life gets worse

depressed and angry who really cares,

no feelings of trust from anywhere

I become isolated, no longer outgoing,

trapped in the house my chances I’m blowing

I see all my dreams parting farther from me,

will I ever have the chance to just be me

I can sing, I can write, I can act, I can be,

a comforter, a prophet, a great ministry

But my energy is low and my body is weak,

no longer sure of what I should seek

Three doctorate degrees I hold in my hand,

but I still don’t feel like the purposed man

A rebel to society, an advocate for peace,

but even peace-makers don’t acknowledge me

Hebrews don’t like me, Messianics don’t care,

Christians warn their own to be aware

Caught in between religion and their games,

a man of sorrow is what I’ve been famed

sent to deliver a message here on earth,

but the message from heaven only makes things worse

hailed a liar, a young fool who wants attention,

others see no reason to my message that they should listen

making decisions that I sometimes regret,

living a life like a dog race bet

wanting that gun to put a bullet through my head,

only to remember I was already raised from the dead

calling out to Yahwah, please help me!!!

I’ve lost my focuse I just can’t see

then I hear that voice, it says you see clearly well,

your experience in life has been pure hell

you’ve suffered and hurt and lived real low,

sorrow and gloom is what you know

you’ve faced death many times and yet you are here,

you’ve been down a path that many others fear

you’ve gone through a school that many times brought strife,

but the lessons you learned was the lesson of life

and yet you live, and still you cry,

you still have breath and you still wonder why?

I tell you why you went that path,

calculate your times, lets do the math

A woman gets raped, a child abused,

a teenager seeking love ends up getting used,

People are sick and suffering in pain,

others are exploited by vultures gain

Religious wars are tearing all apart,

many are suffering from broken hearts

And who can help them, understand the fight?,

Only except one who has experienced the dark of the night

Who could know tears, crys and hurt,

unless they themselves have been through the worst

Whose going to show the people how to forgive,

unless they have gone through some heartbreaking years

Who else can teach the people my truth,

except they have lived a life like you?

A messenger must be trained in the message that he sends,

He must experience the enemy to reach his friends

Your friends are humanity in whom I have created,

Your message is those by whom you’ve been hated

You had to experience your pains and all the burdens,

To become my perfected suffering servant

So keep your spirit up, and know I am there,

to shine through you the Truths you’ll share

And the world will know from the greatest to the least,

that you my Son are my anointed priest

so lift your head high, and your past, never be ashamed

because all your hard times will bring you my fortune and fame

and the message you speak will be pure and bold

as you travel down this road with many stories and dreams untold