Ode to Smokey, dumb as a bucket of rocks but still loveable.

My Cat
AKA "Smokey"
For whatever mysterious reason
Has to arrive at my destination
Before I do
With frantic paws
Clawing the carpet
To make sure he wins
Then he relentlessly claws the blinds
And knocks down my CD towers
Like it's a game

Smokey
(Although he probably thinks his name is
DAMMIT or GETDOWN)
Would rather drink Malt Liquor
Than Milk or Water
Therefore I think
I may be rubbing off on him

My cat
Wants to eat everything I do
Although I tell him
"Cats don't like peaches and cottage cheese!"
And then he surprises me once again

Smokey
Grooves when you stroke his whiskers
Or his back
But try to stroke his belly and
IT'S ON

My cat
Constantly miaows
No matter if he's been fed or not
Prompting me to ask him "WHAT?!"
As if he will someday
Start speaking English
and reply "CHANGE THE LITTERBOX, HUMAN!!!"

Smokey
Has decided to mark his territory
In my clothes closet
Giving all my finery the
Aroma of Eau De Chat
Forcing me to hang up a strawberry air freshener
And kick his ass

My cat
Leaps onto my lap
When I write horror stories
Prompting me to believe
I've got a fan

Smokey
Extends his arm and paw fully
When I rub under his armpit
Prompting me to believe
He's a reincarnated
Nazi

My cat
yawns when I stroke his nose
Prompting me to believe
I have a secret weapon
To knock him out with

Smokey
Occasionally
Struts onto my chest
When I'm in bed
And settles down there
And his curious almond eyes
Close into crescents of contentment
And I feel his rumbling purr of peace
Reverberating through my skin
And without really doing anything
He earns his keep
Simply by reminding me
Nobody can look at
A sleeping cat
And be
Tense.