I stood alone for so long
Not even knowing what I missed.
A strong woman was my description,
By those who could not see,
the fear that lived inside.
So afraid to reveal that fear.

Alone in a family that I
Was only half a relation
As my step-dad’s
sister pointed out so often.
“She's Lolli’s daughter, you know,
from her first marriage.”

Alone when the rest of the family
went on vacation,
‘cause someone needed to take care
of that dairy farm. Then my one full brother
died at 18 years young.
Making me completely separate.

My half-family my step brothers, sisters
Accepted me, its true . No reservations.
But, adults can be very cruel, Step-grandma’s
Treatment stung to the bone.
“If you were my kid, I would trade you
for a dog, and shoot the dog!”

Then later, at 19, alone in a marriage,
Being the “strong one” raising kids,
working, thinking that I was unhappy
because that’s how life is. Covering up
all the negatives and only choosing to see
the good. Made that my Mantra.

Finally when my “real father” disappeared
Into an alcoholic fog, literally and physically,
only to show up 25 years later, old, gray, grizzled.
But, he was finally sober,
But that life demanded reparation.

Now tomorrow, he will buried under a bright flag. Guns shooting into the air
Honored for his bravery, a memory of a purple, heart earned in WW2. A heart that was lost some years ago
When his courage finally failed him.
A bottle of vodka becoming his strength.


All is not lost, finally in my maturity
I have found companionship.
A steadfast, loving man.
This journey has been so long.
Tomorrow my Father is laid to rest.
Today I rejoice in his life, and the life that found me.
No longer am I alone.