what am I thinking
am I crazy
on scanning headlines this day
I chanced on an article
“Authors of note to share wisdom at Salinas event”
hellllllo
that’s my home town
that’s this weekend
as in tomorrow through Sunday
dinners and workshops and book signings
and agents and editors
a freeking conglomerate of the lit world
even
a
free
open mike night

and here I am
planning a weekend of washing clothes
and dirty kid faces
and crying in my beer
about publishing oh the ever elusive dream
and bam 8 miles up the street from my front door
is the hugest gathering of
“the right people” I could ever hope for
could ever dream of
I mean for crying out loud I have three books as we speak
sitting on my nightstand
written by KEY NOTE SPEAKERS helllllllo

so here’s the crazy part
should I go
I mean seriously
what am I chasing
the money oh well it’s peanuts for such a thrill
but truthfully
does this person me
have any business hanging
with a group such as this
I’m sick about it
what if I say something stupid
what if they laugh at my sweaty armpits
what if I stand up at the open mike and then
forget how to read english
huh
what if I drink too much wine at dinner
and tell the mayor I think she’s full of it
can I trust myself to behave
before I even begin

flat out
scared
stupid
jumping at my shadow
idiot
I have never even been to a writers workshop
what do they do
do they tell you how, when, what to write
will they laugh at my scribblings
what
am
I
thinking


I’m calling
RIGHT
now
to see about openings
I hope there’s room on the credit card
and if I go
I’m wearing
flip flops and hiphuggers
and I’ll hiss the mayor
and wink at the publisher from Harper Collins
I swear I will

double dog dare me!!!!!!!!!!!!