I.
Behind his eyes there is a secret.
Buried deep dark inside,
Under pages of trivial scores,
Headlines, bylines, black and white photographs.
Beyond his nicotine, caffeine, cocaine cravings,
Covered by memories of childhood,
Adolescence, adulthood,
College exams, cocktail parties,
Business meetings and racquetball.
Even further than the birth of his only child.
Something so mischievous, mysterious,
So unfathomable he cannot reach quite that far.
But there it lies,
Dirty, disgusting, disdainful.
A solitary experience,
A singular event,
One night.
There it lies behind his deceitful eyes,
Discarded, but not forgotten.

II.
His car stands parked on an empty street.
The sky indigo speckled with clouds of alabaster,
Stars peeking like pearls in a shell.
A stuffy nose bleed burning
Like a loaded cannon,
While her hand creeps slowly inside his thigh.
She is gentle,
He is disappointed.
But his brain is surging,
Spinning squirming,
Inside his already bulging, khaki pants.
Hands groping finding already used flesh,
Painting a portrait of licentiousness.
He is exploding across leather
Into silk crevices
Already overflowing with regret,
And stained by his denial.

III.
“It was long ago, but after the numbing snow
Began falling like a carpet inside my head.”
She would believe, she would forgive
Maybe if he kept repeating, repeating, repeating,
I’m sorry.
It was after the nose bleeds, that was no lie.
But denial and regret do not ease her pain,
Take away her anger
Or give her the child she never had.
The one she tried and wanted and waited for,
And when it wouldn’t come
She grew cold, and the snow began to fall…
An apology wouldn’t take that away
Or give it back or make it easier.
Now his eyes see someone else as mother,
His ears hear another voice,
Full of love for a son he gave,
Gave unto the other
Instead of his own.