Oh dark and dreary land let me go
I yearn for the sun but it avoids me
why is pain equated with dark when
it feels so  hot, like white lightning!
nothing makes any sense when the
body is under attack, hellish insanity
reigns along with all the pains~

I read the martyrs who give thanks
knowing that they draw closer to
Creator when they suffer,but how
about when you feel closer to the one
who resides over hell , who has brought
this nightmare upon me in the first
place and who never hesitates to seek
my company~

I hate Satan, and his stygian stink  of
salacious saliva, his foul fiendish fetish 
for corrupting souls, his malevolant
mind of malediction with malefic intent
with which he maims mankind,and even
more I hate the vileness in me that allows
him to do it, and know if I sought the 
power to overcome ,I'd be able to do so,
yet the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak~

Such options I resent now,because I'd
rather not have to make choices at a
time when I'm not thinking straight to
begin with, and to add to the misery I'm
supposed to remain calm and prayerful
when all I want to do is shout and spit out
all the worst epithets I ever heard, and
many times I do, then I have to go through
the added misery of repenting what I felt
so the cycle continues ad nauseum, when
I'm already stretched to the limits with a
body that no longer wants to function, but
just to scream with pain, rejecting anything
it has to do~

I've spoken my piece to whomever heard it
I know light and dark are two sides of the
same coin,how well it shows through suffering
while I know your grace has never been more
kind, nor your love more unconditional  as it
reaches me through your spirit of hope to assure
me that I still have your strength to rely on, and
that the suffering is but  a moment in the scheme
of times continuum which is forever, and when
I see through the  haze of my drugged eyes, the
final surprise, I know the sight of your light will 
surround and comfort me when I'm in your realms of glory~

etw~