How much longer

Must I bear the burden

Of blaming myself

For something

You did to me?

You took advantage

Of my vulnerability,

Of my neediness,

And it was only

By God’s good grace

That you never fully succeeded

In bedding me.

We were children

When it began,

You three years older

In age

But decades older

In knowledge,

And it didn’t stop

Until the day

Ten years later,

The night you came closest

To raping me

In your mother’s kitchen,

When I threatened you

With an iron frying pan.

No one else

Was ever there

To protect me,

I was alone,

A young girl standing up

Against a much larger man

And against her own desperate need

For love.

Now you are dead

And I must listen

To everyone talk

About what a good man

You were.

I want to scream

Out a denial!

I want them to see

How you damaged me!

I want to make peace

With a past

I can’t change.

I want to be healed.

I want to be free.