Another Redneck Night Before Christmas


'Twas the night before Christmas in trailer park town.
I wuz drinkin a beer as the sun went down.
Had a really busy day in front of the TV
watchin NASCAR reruns, Andy and Aunt Bea.

Road kill wuz roastin on the charcoal grill.
The eggnog was spiked strong enough to kill.
All wuz ready for a jolly Christmas day.
If Santa didn't show up there'd be hell to pay.

Each sock wuz hung on the mantle by a tack
and I wuz thinkin about just hittin the sack
when out in the road I heard a big blast
so I ran to the front winder to look real fast.

The moon was already up and shinnin bright
on an object layin out in the road that night.
I rubbed my eyes and couldn't believe what I saw
the thing in the road made me drop my jaw!

A bunch of toys wuz layin on the ground
and a fat man in red was stumblin around.
Eight critters who looked a lot like buck deer
wuz starin at me with a big critter sneer.

I thought it was Santa and found I was right.
He had crashed his sleigh and Lawdy what a sight.
I knew in an instant, it became quite clear
Santa had been drinkin too much beer.

So I made a pot of coffee and invited him in.
To let him drive drunk would a been a sin.
We watched a chick flick on Lifetime TV,
picked up toys scattered from here to Tennessee.

Santa was grateful, he left me a gift so fine
motor for the busted Bronco out back and some fishin line.
He jumped in the sleigh, which was dented not broke
yelled at them buck deer while drinkin a coke.

He yelled “Getty up, You No Count Sons a Bitches”
I laughed so hard I almost wet my britches!
I heard him holler as he rose outa sight,
“I hope I'm sober enough to make it home tonight.”