My Heart Breaks More Every Day

I struggle with words
For now they do not
Come easily.  They
Do not roll from my
Tongue with ease, and
This I find truly troubling
To my dying soul.  The
Pain inside grows, deep
Within my heart, as I
Am witness to the dying
Of our love.  No matter
How much I try to express,
On deaf ears my words
Do fall.  The only thing
That comes easy now,
Are the tears that never
Cease to descend down
Upon my cheeks.  Can’t
You hear my heart breaking?
It is shattering beneath your
Negative exterior and clenched
Fists of anger.  I’m sad, can’t
You see?  I’ve tried so desperately
To show you the pain, tell you
How I feel but now, all I see
Is a dying marriage that I cannot
Seem to save.  We sit in silence,
Which is so thick one can cut
It with a knife.  The scowl upon
Your face, it shows you are not
Happy but you still will not
Speak to me about what is
Deep inside.  Since your mother
Died, this is how we’ve lived.  I’ve
Tried and tried, to no avail, to break
Through your well built shell.  You’ve
Claimed I was not there, but in reality
It is you who has never truly been there.
I’ve made mistakes in the past, which
I deal with every waking day of my life,
And even in dreams on occasion still.
Yet, you’ve not lived up to your end
Of the deal.  What more can I say, that
I’ve not already expressed before?  I
Can only hope, pray, wish and dream
That in time things will change, for
The better and not the worse.  I am
Deserving of so much better, that
Much I am sure of.  Yet, last is where
I place myself, selfishness turned into
Selflessness to accommodate your
Childish whims.  You sit there and tell
Me, I must come first, that my priorities
Are misplaced.  I beg to differ, for I’ve
Become this way because of you, and
Now, I wish not to suffer.  Your threats
Of violence, that angry tone in your voice,
Don’t you understand I am scared of
You beyond belief?  You keep telling me
That I’m being absurd, fearing you like
This.  Yet, your actions speak louder than
Your words. It is this which you do not
Understand, and it seems you never shall.
I love you still but you are no longer the
Man I fell in love with, married and bared
Children for.  I am alone inside, for you
Are no longer there to comfort me.  I ask
For a compassionate embrace, and the
Glance you shoot me is that of disgrace
And inconvenience for you.  You say you
Love me, that if it were not true that you
Would be honest, brutally honest, to express
Otherwise.  But your actions speak louder
Than any of your words. 

(c) 2003 A Riddle