Oooooooooo... this is hot-hot in terms of its vivid depictions and colourscapes... but then the pressure is turned up to full-blast with your "chilling" final lines. This could be a novel... are you working it into a synopsis? Reckon you've got a fistful of characters already that you could use to sketch the plot... Reminds me a little of an English folk song called "Crow On The Cradle", about the bad omen of the black on white, the ugly versus the pure... Good stuff as always! xx :))
I liked the simplicity of this combined with your really good descriptive word choice, which proves you don't need to over-embellish to draw a perfect portrait for the reader.
Reviewed by Laurie Jay (Reader)
Reviewed on May 31, 2009
I like imagery in this -- the red soil, black crows, old leaning barn. Very nice. I did wonder if "needing cooled" should be either "needing cooling" or "needing to be cooled". It was the only line that didn't sound grammatically right. But the rest of the poem was quite good.
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!! 'You need to listen when the birds sing they may be talking to you in the land of the sun'---------- VERY TALENTED!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!! Liana Margiva
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when the birds sing
they may be talking to you
Marvelous imagery, marvelous poem, my friend!
Be always safe,
Karen
Fee
A joy to read!...ET