Beautiful rework. I like the stanza formation--four quatrains with three recurring words shifting and changing positions and yet building a story and beautiful images--much shorter than a sestina, but do you notice, it's pretty much the same thing--just internal. I gotta try something like this. The only line that sticks out is "and realized then, that us, we weren't." Anyone that can play so fluidly with words does not disuse our mother tongue so! Be good! I know you can come up with something--maybe a slant rhyme like "ird" or "ooo" or "ood" or "oot" or "int,ant,ent" etc.
If you tend to believe romantic, passionate, masculine poetry is a thing of past eras, read "She Intrigues Me," and be swept away in the beautiful craft of a contemporary poet of love.
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Gina