Last night, between 6 and 7:15, EST, someone has stolen my laundry basket from the “Speed Queen” on Watson Boulevard. Not the laundry; just the basket! Now, it wasn’t one of those pimped out numbers with gold-plated handles and a built-in CD-player. That I could understand. It was a plastic, orange, five-dollar item from Wal-Mart, tooled with pride in the Democratic Republic of Congo.
A fellow laundry-doer, a local man in a red flannel shirt, chimed in with his two cents: the disappearance was a sign from God that I should become a minimalist. I smiled at the old sage and properly told him to go fly a kite. I was so angry, I didn’t even want my clothes anymore, so I called the Salvation Army and said “pick-up; dryer number two.”
Now, I am normally a gentle person. Some might say, a humanitarian. I have fed the homeless on three continents, sometimes against their own wishes. But to the bastards who stole my laundry basket, I say this:
May a million locusts descend upon your crops. May you be trapped in an elevator with Wayne Newton. May you live the rest of your life on a teacher’s salary.
What comes to my mind first is "Somebody Stole My Guitar" by Deep Purple. I don't know why. Perhaps, because of their earlier song "Speed King".
The final line reminds me of a comedy "Diamond Hand" movie (USSR, 1968), where one of the criminals was shout at in his nightmare, with the top curse being "May you live on a salary alone!"
But those are only my first associations. I am sure, with in-depth reading I will enjoy more and more things within this poem. Thank you very much!
No matter what happens in this life, there are always those with ridiculous opinions that completely circumvent the reality, and those with banal opinions that exacerbate the emotional quandry that the situation created in the first place.
The only thing I would have added to your splendid curse would be Wayne Newton in the elevator stuck on the 13th floor and he has a bad gas problem and the ventilation doesn't work. (-:
A good write Greg, and totally relatable for me. I would have to describe this as Flash/Non-Fiction.
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What comes to my mind first is "Somebody Stole My Guitar" by Deep Purple. I don't know why. Perhaps, because of their earlier song "Speed King".
The final line reminds me of a comedy "Diamond Hand" movie (USSR, 1968), where one of the criminals was shout at in his nightmare, with the top curse being "May you live on a salary alone!"
But those are only my first associations. I am sure, with in-depth reading I will enjoy more and more things within this poem. Thank you very much!
Very funny and well told story.
The only thing I would have added to your splendid curse would be Wayne Newton in the elevator stuck on the 13th floor and he has a bad gas problem and the ventilation doesn't work. (-:
A good write Greg, and totally relatable for me. I would have to describe this as Flash/Non-Fiction.
Richard Lloyd Cederberg
Kudos to you
Enjoyable read.