a short fiction story in the form of a poem

Chapter Five

2:00 am

i stand at the palladian window
in our living room
i know this is what kind it is
because i took interior design
in my high school
i laugh to myself about this
my arms crossed
protecting my body,
myself from the cold
from real life
i watch a lone dog roam the parking lot
he sniffs the ground
wanders towards your truck
that truck that we spent countless hours in
laying in the bed
watching the stars
watching snow fall down on us
having the conversations of a life time
falling in love
the dog sniffs the front tire
backs off
and disappears around the corner
i stare at the place it had been
i close my eyes
lean my head against the window

we are sitting on the counter
the store is empty
has been for a few hours
it is almost time to close up
and we have been here for hours
changing the music
smoking cigarettes
changing the music as we feel necessary
talking about more
of the important things in life
it seems with us
everything
is the most important thing in life
i ready myself to jump down
to lock the door
pull the register
you grab my hand
‘i have to tell you something’
i look at you
only slightly afraid
of what you will say

you are moving back
to detroit
to your parents
they have straightened up
trying to fly right
your aunt thinks
your going back will
help your relationship
you have to go
you have no choice
i am not crying
but i don't know why
i feel broken inside
i cant seem to move
you ask me what i think
i cant tell you
because i cant think
i cant tell you
because i cant speak
if i were to open my mouth
would words come out coherently
or would i only cry
or would i scream?

i stand up and close the store
you sit there
with your head in your hands
i can feel you
you are close to tears
i can feel your sorrow
can you feel mine?
you take me home
i ask you to come in
so we can be together
because you are leaving
in just four days
i am not angry at you
i am angry at myself
for falling so hard for you

i stand at this window
staring at the landscape
and wonder how much longer it will be
i push my hands through my hair
sigh deeply
and head back to bed
i look at you there
in bed
sprawled out where i used to be
i climb into bed
lay my head on your shoulder
you shift in your sleep
wrap your arms around me
even in sleep
you need me near
and inside me i feel awful
for what i am about to do
but my need to do this thing
overtakes everything else
in my heart, you don't matter as much
as i wish you did