We Are Where He Wants Us

Even after the wreckage the raging storm of our failed marriage rained down upon us all

Would I have given you a different father if I could have seen then a bit of what I know now?

If you had a different father, you would none of you, be who and what you are; the children I adore.

Would I have given you a different father if I had had a glimpse of what carnage was to come?

Would I have given you a different father if I had been able to imagine the havoc wreaked on your lives?

How can I say I would have you in any smallest smidgen, different that what you are?

How can I say that I am satisfied with how you are doing and what your lives are about?

You are all good people with big hearts and dreams but I sense something lacking…my fault.

I should have given you the tools to do better in so many ways that I did not. I did not know.

Is there a way I could have given you a different mother, making your father a better dad?

Could I have chosen not to marry him, opening the way for another, better suited instead?

Could another woman have made you? And would you be who you are now in the loving eyes of God?

What brought two such polar people together and made them imagine for a moment

That they were meant to be together, that they could live a life as one team with one goal?

We thought when we had you that it was an act of love and hope and a bright symbol of a future.

There was no malice intended yet there we ended, broken on the rocks of our own poor planning and disillusion.

We did our best to keep our babies from being struck upon those rocks with no way to prevent it.

We could not protect ourselves and our blood spilled on you. The rocks hit you and made you bleed too.

The pain of that guilt will never ease. The remorse and the wish to change it for you haunts the battered coast of my mind.

But how could I change a hair on any one of those three heads I love so? I would not, could not indeed.

I guess I would just have done better and stayed away from those rocks with your father.

The years of my life have taught me a couple of things and one of them is that pain is well avoided.

The other is that we are where God wants us to be and we need to have faith and never settle for less than He.

Kathy Adams