Poem about fear and pain caused by abuse.

Is there a way to find a reason,
A reason for the pain?
If only I had a reason,
I could feel less insane.

Insanity is relative,
It affects us all in some way.
Where is that very fine line
Between crazy and just gone astray?

When I think about my history
I wonder why I’m here.
Is there some special purpose?
Will it ever be clear?

When I hurt I blame myself.
Who else is there to blame?
Perhaps I should stop feeling
So much distress and shame.

Maybe it’s not me after all.
Maybe someone else is why
I feel so sad and lonely,
So alone and ready to cry.

Perhaps it was my abuser
Who still visits in my dreams.
Yes, it’s him who should be blamed
For my guilt and for my screams.

Awakening in a sweat each night
Reliving the horror in my mind.
Can I ever really let go?
Can I have a normal life of any kind?

Perhaps it is still possible
To live and even find love somewhere.
There must be a reason that
I’m still living and still here.

I will keep on going,
Keep living day by day.
I have to find the reason that
Will make me want to stay.