A more gentle, loving father

you could never hope to find.

The trouble is that,

several other people shared his mind.

He was a miriad of characters,

some kind and calm and quite,

some affraid of thier own shadows

and some just spoiling for a fight,

But the worst of them were evil,

corrupting fathers soul,

they made me fear my father,

every time they took control,

for they made him do such evil deeds,

I knew were not his way.

At times like these

I'd fall upon my knees and start to pray,

that the good lord might protect me

from the demon he'd become,

and I prayed the lord might stay the hand

that so often struck my mum,

or shook me by the shoulders,

so hard it made me cry,

then I'd beg God to forgive me,

for every time I wished he'd die.

For it was just a few years later,

I heard him argueing in his room,

it was strange because I knew

he was alone that afternoon.

Still a viscious row was raging

between my father and himself,

and I heard him say,

"You leave my son alone, You hear? or else".

And a darker voiuce would answer,

in a hushed but evil tone,

Saying, "And exactly what will you do,

if I don't leave the boy alone?"

"You're powerless to stop me,

and we both know that it's true ,

your son is at my mercy,

and there's nothing you casn do".

The fear built up inside me,

until I ran away to hide,

in my favourite place of safety,

where I stayed all night and cried.

But in my secret place of sanctuary,

I could hear muffled cries and shouts;

broken glass and furniture

where things were thrown about.

in a battle for his sanity,

that father could not win,

though all my prayers for victory,

were obviously for him.

Then at last the battle ended

and silence was restored,

then father called me to him,

having gained control once more.

And we held each other tenderly

the loving father and his son

tears running down his cheeks,

the words, "I'm sorry", on his tongue,

That was the last time that I saw him,

before he went away,

I knew not where he'd gone to

because my mother would not say,

All she'd say is that he loved me,

and then she turned away and cried,

many years would pass before

I knew he'd commited suicide.

In his final note, my mother kept,

he tried so hard to explain,

better this, he'd written,

than let the demon loose again.

each time he comes to take control,

he's stronger than before,

and I don't have the strength nor will,

to battle him no more.

Please forgive, what I must do,

and the evil that I've done,

and please believe that no greater love,

has a father for his son.

By S.E.Ralph

27-6-2011