Catalyst

My head said stop, it knew the cost,

The hours, hope, the moments lost,

It reads the signs, collects the proof,

This isn’t love, it’s something smooth.

He tried to hide, his cryptic flame,

That flickered just to keep me tame,

He left no mark you’d clearly see,

But still, he lived so deep in me.

He never gave me space to land,

Just mixed-up words and half a hand,

Like drifting in a haunted room,

My heart still holds what never bloomed.

My soul tripped quiet on what stayed,

Through what was felt but never made,

It doesn’t hate, it doesn’t cling,

It simply loosens everything.

He’ll never know I saw it all:

His silent fear, his inner wall.

He chose the edge instead of me,

But what I gave will always be.

Still I must go, and that is real,

To choose the wound that dares to heal,

To leave the dream that held me tight,

And walk alone to face the night.

That love was real, but now I see:

It’s time to turn that love to me,

The cost was high, the lesson clear,

I walked right through to land right here.

Cathrine Hottran 2025