Absence I Made Home

I called your silence comfort,

Though it hit me like a stone,

I kept running back to empty,

Cause empty felt like home.

I learned it from the faces, 

That turned but never stayed,

From voices gone to traces,

From promises delayed.

I called your distance loving,

Though it left me lost, alone,

I wrapped myself in absence,

Cause absence felt like home.

I chased the fading shadows,

Of warmth that never came,

I begged for drops of water,

And thirst became my name.

I traded truth for hoping,

I bent until the break,

I guarded a heart of hunger,

And fed it with the ache.

I called your silence mercy,

Though it chilled me to the bone,

I knelt before the hollow,

Cause hollow felt like home.

Was it love that kept  me chasing,

Or shadows dressed as flame?

Did I return to absence,

Because absence knew my name?

And why did I still follow

A map that led to none?

What made me call this shelter,

When it hid me from the sun?

What taught me to mistake this,

For love that makes me whole?

And how do I unlearn it,

To free my aching soul?

Cathrine Hottran 2025