Senseless, battered and bloodied by my own
thoughts of belonging and wanting a home;
I listen to a merciless wind blown
across the frigid confines of hope sown
in the seeds of need and greed woeful
The tones of lone humanity in whole,
brimming with empty appeal, soulful
yet, reverberate with literate toll
The words, viscous and bound in simple set,
tings and rings of lost marriages, estranged
from the etherial dreams which would let
loose liberation from the caged deranged
essence which left this fragile flame waning
from all these emaciations gaining
I enjoyed the flow and cadence, there is a pleasing continuity of matched soundings with a prevalence of l's and interior rhymes and same letter companion words that accent important meanings. Also, the message is clear, exiled, by kind and/or inner yearnings. I like it. :)
Thank you Justin and Andre, and of course the rest.
I understand how you could have some misapprehensions about this poem, since there is the skip of accent in line four. This is actually intentional, since I'm working with an experimental form.
Notice...sown-Wos transversing
in the seeds of need and greed woeful-wo
The tones of lone humanity in whole, w(humanity)o(lone)e
brimming with empty appeal, soulful-so Juxtaposed
Nonetheless, the accents you name, Andre, are still all consistent with the rhyme in a monosyllabic context.
Frankly, I'm not certain how you see them as tetrameters, maybe it's a matter of dialect. They all make for a pentameter count to me.
Tyler, you simply blow me away. I read your works a lot though I don't always comment. You'll have a long and satisfying career ahead of you. Take care.
JC xoxoxo
Reviewed by Transcendental Poet (Reader)
Reviewed on November 4, 2003
I tried to read it as a tetrameter SONNET, but it failed from line 4, probably few others felt same.I may be wrong, but seems you have material to convert it into a pentameter SONNET or a tetrameter, depending on which lines you revise!
As a poem it is excellent and profound!
Tyler, I understand where your going in the beginning but am lost by the last 3 lines...the use of loose and liberation seem to be repetitive. Overall I really enjoy your work. ~Z~
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I understand how you could have some misapprehensions about this poem, since there is the skip of accent in line four. This is actually intentional, since I'm working with an experimental form.
Notice...sown-Wos transversing
in the seeds of need and greed woeful-wo
The tones of lone humanity in whole, w(humanity)o(lone)e
brimming with empty appeal, soulful-so Juxtaposed
Nonetheless, the accents you name, Andre, are still all consistent with the rhyme in a monosyllabic context.
Frankly, I'm not certain how you see them as tetrameters, maybe it's a matter of dialect. They all make for a pentameter count to me.
Thanks to everyone else for commenting!
JC xoxoxo
As a poem it is excellent and profound!
Justin
if to praise is defiance.
"Sonnet on Loss and Loathing".
I have enjoyed this work as for contents and message.
It is an outstanding poetical work.
Please allow me to suggest a REVISION of accents in the metrical foot, - especially verses, 4,5,6, 7, 11, 13 and 14.
I also suggest that the title be "Loss and Loathing".
I am sure that You will agree with me.
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
That's SONNETTO POESIA, Tyler!!!
(grrrr!!)
Of course, the sonnet's splendid. Otherwise, I sure as heck wouldn't be publishing it.
Folks, take a good good close look at this tonal imagery:
The tones of lone humanity in whole,
It's wonderful!
Richard Vallance,
Editor,
SONNETTO POESIA ISSN 1705-4524
CANADA
Hey, man, that picture's kinda HUGE, don't you think?
Well written...hmmm.. 'it's brimming with empty appeal'..
This is a sad poem from one so young :(
Vesna