Mouthful
Walk a mile in my shoes
Living daily to pay my dues
Being told to get out of my own head
But I don't know how and am filled with dread
Anxiety taking me down like a sumo wrestler
Physically ill but no one gets it
Struggling to function
But Disability won't comply
Guess none of this will matter when I die
I'm hated by my sister
I'm reminded daily of my flaws
My regrets, my mental illness, and how I never went far
Home school makes me less than
No college makes me pathetic
Being single is a curse
And no work is just my ending
I'm too fat to matter
And too stupid to mind
I struggle with loving myself
Unless you count the way which they say will make me go blind
I have scars and bruises on my body, on my soul
I have moments where I feel pretty
But they don't last very long
And I'm told if I don't learn to love myself
That no one will ever love me
So I guess I'll be single forever
But then again who would want me?
I only volunteer at my church and live to help others
I go out of my way to be there
But when I need someone am mostly ignored
I have prayed for strangers
I have ran errands and such
But still no one will love me because it's just not enough
And I thought looks weren't supposed to matter
But, perhaps I am wrong
Do I need to weigh about 125, be a blond, and flaunt myself around?
What's wrong with weighing almost 280, being a brunette, and keeping it classy?
What's wrong with being there for others, being myself, but still knowing how to be sassy?
Isn't wit a good thing?
Isn't having a sense of humor fun?
Isn't it nice to know someone loves you completely
Recognizing no one is perfect, but never letting on
I was not put on this earth to be perfect
But damn it all, I believe I am worth it!
If I could be someone's gal
I would clean our place, make meals, and always be ready to get down
I would be a shoulder, an ear, and a place to lay your head upon
You would become my muse, my lover, and my friend
I would sing for you, die for you, bring you so much joy
But I guess it doesn't matter because I'm too messed up to be loved
Get out of my own head *scoffs*
Simple words that are hard to follow
For I have prayed so much, taken deep breaths, and tried to get away from myself
But I look in the mirror and it's always still little old me
Well not so little
I have a big heart beating inside of me
It's a broken, scarred, timely ticker
But it's surely my own
It's what gets me used and hurt every time
Every time I fool myself by believing someone cares
And if I must be alone
Leave me with my words
I'll be here writing forever
Chained to sad melodies
What a curse
And when I'm dead and gone
Let my tombstone say,
"She tried to make something of herself, but allowed fear and panic to get in her way"
By, Tiffany Simar
2/21/17
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If you do some research, you may find a place where a person who looks like you is worshiped. Then, all you have to do is convince your church that you want to do a mission there. Once they fund your mission and you arrive on the scene where all the men will adore you just for who you are, you can tell the church to take a flying leap and jump into the local culture, becoming one of their prized possessions.
Excuse me for prescribing and carrying on like this. Just thought you could use a little humor. ;-)
Ron