we stood around
on a concrete porch
waiting for the sky
to open up
as if hope
would follow rain

his nose
still bleeding
from the right jab
i'd given him
he applied
a malt liqour bandage
to it

"jesus," he said
"did ya really have
to go and wallop me
so f***in' hard?"

"you deserve worse,
you f***in retard,"
i replied
without malice

we stood there
under green awnings
as he unloaded his life
such as it was
as i unloaded his
precious few bags

his ex-wife wouldn't let him
talk to his kids
his few friends
now aliens to him
everything
spiralling
downwards

and now
a handful
of philadelphia scag
was his latest thing
to numb the pain
of being him

"why don't you just
kill yourself now?
better yet,
if you like
i'll cut your throat
for you
now."

"what the f***, al?
what's your deal?"

"because i think
your kids
might sleep better
thinking you were killed
by someone anonymous
than having them grow up
knowing you turned
into a f***ing
junkie idiot shitbag,"
i snarled

he cried
and said he'd be okay
it was just
a once in a while thing
that he was going
to get help

a once in awhile thing
becomes
a once a month thing
becomes
a once a week thing
becomes
a weekend thing
becomes
an everyday except monday thing
becomes
a borrowing money from friends thing
becomes
a stealing from your friends thing
becomes
stealing from old ladies thing
becomes
a sucking dick for money thing
becomes
a being found
dead
bloated
on your friend's couch
thing

whatever

patrick
my friend
if you insist on
smacking the smack
please move
to another state

just so
i won't have to bury
another friend

i won't do that
again

not
one
more