Sitting in here in the Wilderness, purging myself         Getting emotional at times as I think of everybody else

Left from Egypt, the place of my captivity             Preparing for the east in the desert along with my small family

Reflecting on the past and the paths I have taken                                                                         Sometimes laughing and sometimes trembling and shaking

Knowing that a lot I did indeed leave behind                Because I was created a man before my time

My two Ishah’s come in and on my cheek they gives me a kiss                                                                                    And I began to tell them all the things I’m feeling I miss

I miss all the teaching and preaching I used to do            I miss sacrificing my reputation and life for the sake of the truth

I miss the brothers and sisters with whom I taught and debated                                                                                  I even missed those who disliked me and in whose presence I was hated

I missed my family who thought that I was a renegade   I missed my all my friends who now rest in their graves

I missed the hopes that I gave to many in need               I missed my two sons, taken from me by a wife deceived

I missed growing up as a child and a teen                         I missed those close to me, who worked as a team

I missed my congregation that I used to lead                    I missed the fact that I had to leave

I missed the insults hurled at me from passionate Israelites                                                                             I missed the times of spiritual peace and when I had to fight

I miss the struggles just to stay alive                                I missed the good and bad that I have experienced through truth and lies.

I missed healing people and setting those enslaved free I missed casting out demons, even the ones in me

I missed performing miracles that no-one could believe in this day and time                                                            I missed the prophetic voice that I used to give signs

I missed the online forums and chat where we all argued and sometimes agreed                                                        I missed all the planting of the spiritual seeds

I missed all my teachers who trained me well                  I missed struggling with even those who gave me hell

I missed the Kingdom of Yah community in ATL             I missed spending hours with their abba and the stories he’d tell

I missed the vegetarian foods, and the warm welcoming smiles                                                                                  I missed "shalom kohan, haven’t seen you in awhile"

I missed all the times, when I cryd as I lay alone              I missed those times when I only acted like I was strong

I missed those times when I was wasn’t sure and very fraid                                                                                      I missed those times when I was courageous and brave…

I missed my brother who I only knew just a little                                                                                  And hate that we parted because of a relationship so brittle

I missed those low times, when I needed help and nobody was there                                                            And yet Yahwah continuously showed me that he was the one who cared

I think of so much and how out here at times I feel alone Now in the wilderness with no community to call my own

I look back and see the state of my people and it seems so bad                                                                                  I can’t help but shed tears, because it makes me sad

I missed so much from my past walk of life                       I explain all of this in tears to both my wives

But now in the wilderness, its something I began to realize and  see

All that I miss, may not really miss me.....

©2005 by Kohan Shalomim Halahawi. all rights reserved